Just because I want you to know how important that you are to me. I probably didn’t even express this ENOUGH. You are one of the FIRST people that I shared my story with that looked at me with such LOVING eyes. Your eyes didn’t even blink a second of scorn, shame or judgement. You hugged me, cried with me and UNDERSTOOD me.
Am I higher than you or vice versa – no. We are equal. We are certainly not “friends.”
I know you understand that. WE ARE SISTERS! I think one of the things I loved about you immediately was your liberty to express how you were in every season. I heard a weeping in the back on a prayer night service one day. It was you. You were hurting. Crying. In agony and pain. BUT –you were praying. I was touched. I could only say that I FELT your pain. Just like you felt mine. It is now that I can appreciate and recognize that even more. We are women. Powerful women of God. Yes, in Him we are all things.
Thank you for embracing me. Praying for me. Listening to me and helping me to get through one of the darkest seasons of my life. Wow–you were THERE! In church, to travel with me, the rebuilt TWO retreat–we stood for an hour after everyone left and just….talked. You listened. Mostly people just want to vent to me. I really appreciated that time with you and that you lent an ear to me. It is stamped in my brain.
One of the things that I recently shared with you, was a time I truly hurt like hell. I wanted the craving and urgency of pain to disappear. I went to the Battlecry event in 2015 with the “sistas.” The preacher did the calling. I wanted the prayer. Here I am the pastor with the sheep. But I felt like the sheep needing the pastor!!!!!
The girls went right away–up they stood, out the aisle and down the steps to the front. It packed up. I wanted to go with them! I watched, sitting in my seat next to my husband. I will NEVER forget this night. He looked at me and said… “Go! Go with them, I know you want to.” I will eternally appreciate this man for everything! I said thank you to him by a gentle nod and expression..and went.
I went down the steps and made my way to the bottom altar. It was packed, not much room to breathe. I slouched down slowly, in a bed of my tears. I cried so much that night. Not even a prayer was heard but the cries off my lips. I made my way to a prostrate position next to the MUI girls.
I just cried and cried and cried. TAKE AWAY THE CRAVING LORD! Take away the craving.
THEN— I felt one hand..two… three… four… five… all on my back, gently, lovingly and just so anointed. I felt their pain attached to mine. I knew they had their own needs and prayers…but they took that moment to pray over me. I will never forget it. They are warriors. All of them – Toots, Jaz, Luce, Yari. Praying for me, their pastor that needed to be pastored.
Thank you God for the genuineness of their heart. Toots –for the genuineness of your heart. I love the most that you went through my rehabilitation WITH me and still are there to continue this journey with me.
I want to be there for you too. I love you dearly. May God bless the authenticity of your heart.