Maybe I didn’t know what to do.
Maybe I didn’t know where to go.
Maybe I was too young and unmarried.
Maybe I didn’t complete my education.
Maybe the goals I set didn’t really pan out.
But one thing I know, is that when you were born you changed my world. I stared at you so much as love flooded my heart. You were so beautiful just like you are even now.
I didn’t know anything but what I had experienced as a child and I only hoped I could make it right and do good.
But that didn’t happen did it.
I made mistakes. And not just like a little but MANY.
Some were HUGE mistakes and I needed God in my life to fix it!!!
Even then, I still found myself making mistakes and it frustrated me even more.
Then I remembered His grace. None of us are perfect, no not one. We need a Savior. Someone to stand in the gap for us. And He gladly took on that position and made us WHOLE.
I remember in 2000, I petitioned to God after dropping you off at the bus stop. I treated you HORRIBLY because we were running late, and it was so not your fault. What you don’t know is that I came back home, crashed to the floor and cried profusely, deeply as my soul was in anguish. The same way it is now when I STILL make mistakes. And I am so sorry for all of that. Any hurt, frustration, disappointment or the like that I cause from being so imperfect.
Why can’t I be that perfect parent God—
He said, “BECAUSE YOU CANT BE ME! I am the perfect Parent.”
“They have all turned aside, They have together become corrupt; There is none who does good, No, not one.”
Psalms 14:3 NKJV
So I will love you with a flawed love but God will love us with a perfect love. I can’t ever promise you that I will be perfect, but I can promise you this… I will always seek Him for US knowing He will make all things new and all things right.
So in 2000 I sought Him for that guidance and it truly helped me tremendously for what I did daily changed to the most minimal incidents of ill behavior. I thank God for His Spirit and that He took it all away. May the presence of God pull you in that same place He took me then in 2000… and to where He takes me now.
All things work together and I know that is with ardent prayer. There can be no other way. So let’s pray.
May you always realize how much you impact my world which is why I hold your words and actions so powerfully because of the PLACE YOU HOLD in my heart and in my hands. That is why you were named that as a vessel to speak only life…. it means Prophetess.
I love you Cassiandra…..you will always be my baby girl.