September 3, 2026

PSALM 31

By Christina

Psalm 31

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 In you, Lord, I have taken refuge;
    let me never be put to shame;
    deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
    come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
    a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
    for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Keep me free from the trap that is set for me,
    for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
    deliver me, Lord, my faithful God.

6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
    as for me, I trust in the Lord.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
    for you saw my affliction
    and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not given me into the hands of the enemy
    but have set my feet in a spacious place.

9 Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress;
    my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
    my soul and body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
    and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,[b]
    and my bones grow weak.
11 Because of all my enemies,
    I am the utter contempt of my neighbors
and an object of dread to my closest friends—
    those who see me on the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten as though I were dead;
    I have become like broken pottery.
13 For I hear many whispering,
    “Terror on every side!”
They conspire against me
    and plot to take my life.

14 But I trust in you, Lord;
    I say, “You are my God.”
15 My times are in your hands;
    deliver me from the hands of my enemies,
    from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant;
    save me in your unfailing love.
17 Let me not be put to shame, Lord,
    for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
    and be silent in the realm of the dead.
18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
    for with pride and contempt
    they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

19 How abundant are the good things
    that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
    on those who take refuge in you.
20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
    from all human intrigues;
you keep them safe in your dwelling
    from accusing tongues.

21 Praise be to the Lord,
    for he showed me the wonders of his love
    when I was in a city under siege.
22 In my alarm I said,
    “I am cut off from your sight!”
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
    when I called to you for help.

23 Love the Lord, all his faithful people!
    The Lord preserves those who are true to him,
    but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
    all you who hope in the Lord.

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August 31, 2026

DARKEST VALLEY

By Christina

“Even though I walk through the DARKEST VALLEY
I will fear NO evil for You ARE with me;
Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.”

I haven’t slept in weeks. I am bone tired.
Exhausted. Spent.
My eyes are heavy, I have perpetual headaches, dizziness and I am feeling a bit delusional.

The worst part of it all is that this is only the beginning.

I stood through the night when sleep escaped me and I prayed.

I cried out to God and asked Him for help.

This is my darkest valley.

I don’t know how we took a turn into this valley but we did.

In my previous blog I wrote that I have never felt so alone.

Then this scripture came to me as I searched and searched.

Even though I walk through the DARKEST VALLEY… I will fear NO evil for YOU ARE WITH ME.

I am not alone.

My mind tells me I am alone.

I look around me and I am alone.

But I have to remind myself that I am NOT.

All this time, He has been with me and He has never left me.

The darkest valley looks different for folks.

Maybe its grief.. that loss of a loved one or loved ones.

Maybe its perpetual stress and disruption.

Maybe it’s the breakup of a relationship.

Maybe its deep seated betrayal.

Maybe it’s the loss of a job or career.

Whatever you DARKEST VALLEY is… You were never alone.

AT ALL.

I needed something – I said You gotta give me something.

And the something that He gave me I didn’t like.

I shook.

Because it was the truth I needed.

Rocking me to my core.

I been there.

Oh how the tables have turned.

Sir Walter Scott said, “Oh what a tangled web we weave”.

People aren’t going to understand the depth of my anguish. They aren’t going to know my pain.

They are not going to walk through this process with me. Gosh my mind hurts.

My soul absolutely and entirely gutted. Just WOW!

They are not going to know this darkest valley because they probably had their own version of theirs.

But this is mine.

This is an opportunity to really consider my options but look to the ONE who is with me.

Day and night.

Night and day.

He is there. Without fail.  And He is my constant.

Leaving is abandonment.  And I was left long ago.

Only to come to this conclusion that there was One who would never abandon me.

So I am not going to ask

I am not going to fight.

I am going to embrace.

I am going to wait like He told me and embrace where He is leading me which is right into HIS ARMS.

How peaceful that is going to be.

This time it is going to be the right way where it was always meant to be.

How am I even standing now and even functioning in this cataclysmic chaos.

I am so so so very tired. I need sleep. I need rest. I need a reprieve from this mess.

God’s got me… even in my darkest valley.

AMEN

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August 29, 2026

Now I Know

By Christina

“I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty.  
I have learned the SECRET of being content in any and every situation
whether well fed or hungry whether living in plenty or in want.”
Philippians 4:12 NIV

My eyes hurt.  Painfully so.
Days and weeks and months of anguish.
There are some things we just won’t ever be able to do.
Except now that’s surrender. 
Complete and utter surrender –wholly.
Moments to reflect and dig really deep. 
A dive into my soul.
For this song arrests me. 
And I am pulled into the depth of its lyrics.
It speaks to me.  Now I know.  

Jesus, Lover of My soul
Jesus, I will never let You go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay, 
You’ve set my feet upon the rock 
Now I know

I love You, I need You
Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go
My Savior, my closest Friend
I will worship You until the very end

I could sing of Your Love forever
I could sing of the Blood forever

This song plays on repeat as years of pent-up stress, frustration, sadness, neglect, mistakes and pain seep its way out.  It’s a spectacular ruin.  
Purging, purging, purging anguish.  Purging.
You can’t even explain this.  I can’t.
Cuz nothing I could say would ever matter.
I cant. 

Sorry wont work.  Actions wont work.  Even change.
I have never ever in my entire being at 51 felt this alone.
Deep seated abandonment.  
I can’t escape this.  I am slamming right into the walls of pain and sorrow. And there is nothing I can do to stop it.
All of which I can accept what I caused.
Was it only me.  No.  I know this.
I experienced this.

If it wasn’t being thrown for church then it was for a job.
I was never a priority.
The moment I decided to take matters in my own hands to make myself a priority
I became the villain. Cruella Deville.

But I can tell you this.  Getting slammed into the wall and punched in the gut is doing something far more powerful in me.
It’s making me recognize that there is One that is going to see me.
Every tear, every anguish, every pull and sorrow.
He is not going to leave me.  I vow like Job that no matter what—I am not going to leave Him either.

He is the Lover of my soul.
My botched, wounded, torn and broken soul.
He is my closest friend.
He will be with me and join me in my ugly and join me if I am ever pretty.
He will be with me when my world falls over and over and over again.
There He is – and He is not leaving me. 
I feel it.  I feel it so strong.
I wouldn’t trade this for the world. 

I will keep the anguish then.
Like Job said.  Shall we only accept good from God and not bad??
Message received.

No one is going to understand the way He knows my soul.
My wholeness comes from Him. 
And if I am in need now its because He wants me to be.
To only know a love like His that will never run dry.
Its not going to change.
Its not going to no longer be there.
What pain the life of this can be.
Those things change… in life.

For God, they wont ever ever change for me.
And that’s why I will run to Him and choose Him.
Thank You Lord for seeing me.  Reminding me. That it was always going to be You.
And that’s okay.

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August 26, 2026

Seen, Heard, Answered

By Christina

Seen, Heard, Answered

I needed a hug.
I needed a sorry.
I needed to be seen.

I didn’t need to be blatantly hurt—week after week, month after month, year after year—simply because I was me.

If I said I was sorry, if I acknowledged my part, if I sought options for change, why wasn’t that enough?

Still, I was avoided.
Still, I was ignored.
Still, I was pushed away.
Still, I was shut out.

Simply, painfully, not a priority.

I shared my thoughts, and yet I received none in return.
I extended the olive branch, and somehow I was still left holding the short end of the stick.

And then, even companions of all sorts left me feeling like Job.

Not understanding.
Not taking the lift.
Not really seeing the depth of what I was walking through.
When it was done for them.

They kept through motions as if nothing life-altering had happened, while I was quietly unraveling beneath the weight of it all.

And perhaps they didn’t know. Perhaps they could only process their own then grasp my wounded posture if I previously presented wholeness.

Perhaps they couldn’t see that while life seemed to keep moving around me, I was only breaking further inside. I am stripped down to none.

I wasn’t asking anyone to fix me.

I wasn’t asking anyone to school me.

I just needed someone to see me.

To hear me.

To sit with me in the mess and help me navigate the chaos instead of basic approach like nothing had happened.

And somewhere in all of that silence, I began to believe the lie that maybe I simply didn’t matter.

But then…

God pulled me into the night.

Not to abandon me there, but to remind me that there is One who has loved me more deeply, more faithfully, and more completely through it all.

Psalm 31 found me there.

And I wept.

I cried the tears I had been holding back, and God saw my anguish. He saw every unanswered prayer, every unanswered question, every moment I wondered if I mattered.

And He gave me something precious:

A ground to stand on.

A place to carry me when I felt like I had nothing left to carry myself.

Even when I knew I might have to walk through this season feeling alone, He reminded me that I would never truly be alone.

He would find strength for me in the darkest of nights.
Peace for me in the greatest distress.
Joy for me when I couldn’t find my smile.
Hope for me when I had lost faith in my future.

And in this uncharted territory…

THERE HE WOULD LEAD ME.

And I would be okay.

Because when I kept feeling myself breaking, He was building me back up.

Stronger.
Wiser.
Deeper.
More grounded.

Perhaps I was never being forgotten.

Perhaps I was being repositioned.

Perhaps the silence around me was making room for me to finally hear the One who had been speaking all along.

Seen.
Heard.
Answered.

Not always in the way I expected.

But always by the One who knows exactly what I need.

“With weeping they shall come, and with pleas for mercy I will lead them back; I will make them walk by brooks of water, in a straight path in which they shall not stumble, for I am a father to Israel, and Ephraim is my firstborn.”

Jeremiah 31:9 (ESV)

So I will keep walking.

Even through the uncharted.

Even through the tears.

Even when I don’t know what comes next.

Even when I am hurt so bad. Destroyed even more.

Because if He is leading me…

I will be okay.

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