I will remember my song in the night;
I will meditate with my heart, And my spirit searches…
PSALM 77:6 AMP
I wish I could find the thing that speaks right to my mind right away.
I am looking at books, more scriptures, inspirational quotes and devotionals… click out, still the same grapple.
I mean I am a Christian but can I be honest …
Sometimes I find that I can’t find it even in the Word.
I don’t know where to go or where to turn.
I know the Word of God brings deliverance.
There is no buts in that.
Just a mind that gets cluttered and cannot even find rest in the written clear way if that makes any sense!!!
I wake in the night.
Attacked with a sleepless fight.
I’m wrestling with something internal.
It wakes me.
Disturbing my peace.
Robbing me of this silent time in the night that would rest my mind and anxious thoughts.
But that’s the thing.
The thoughts creep in.
I want a friend but then no.
I want a counselor but then no.
I want to cry and then comes the downpour,
Inconsolable, unexplainable and unapologetically.
The tears start pouring out.
I’m alone again.
Alone in my thinking.
Alone in my world.
Alone in my own silent battle.
And a weeping night.
Could this pass?
Because the reality is I just want to get the thoughts OUT!
I don’t wanna “talk it out” you feel me?
That’s annoying sometimes.
Then I sit and cry some more.
I talk to God, cry to God and reason with Him alone.
Then I just pray to keep my calm because this restless place is taking all my rest.
It just never makes sense.
What can I say…
Pray through the restless places.
Cuz even there He will find us,
Even if we still feel lost.
“My voice rises to God, and I will cry aloud; My voice rises to God, and He will hear me. In the day of my trouble I [desperately] sought the Lord; In the night my hand was stretched out [in prayer] without weariness; My soul refused to be comforted. I remember God; then I am disquieted and I groan; I sigh [in prayer], and my spirit grows faint. Selah. You have held my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the ancient days, The years [of prosperity] of long, long ago. I will remember my song in the night; I will meditate with my heart, And my spirit searches: Will the Lord reject forever? And will He never be favorable again? Has His lovingkindness ceased forever? Have His promises ended for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Or has He in anger withdrawn His compassion? Selah. And I said, “This is my grief, That the right hand of the Most High has changed [and His lovingkindness is withheld].” I will [solemnly] remember the deeds of the LORD; Yes, I will [wholeheartedly] remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate on all Your works And thoughtfully consider all Your [great and wondrous] deeds. Your way, O God, is holy [far from sin and guilt]. What god is great like our God? You are the [awesome] God who works [powerful] wonders; You have demonstrated Your power among the people. You have with Your [great] arm redeemed Your people, The sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah. The waters [of the Red Sea] saw You, O God; The waters saw You, they were in anguish; The deeps also trembled. The clouds poured down water; The skies sent out a sound [of rumbling thunder]; Your arrows (lightning) flashed here and there. The voice of Your thunder was in the whirlwind; The lightnings illumined the world; The earth trembled and shook. Your way [of escape for Your people] was through the sea, And Your paths through the great waters, And Your footprints were not traceable. You led Your people like a flock By the hand of Moses and Aaron [to the promised goal].”
PSALM 77:1-20 AMP