Sometimes we may not always be able to articulate what is going through a cluttered mind. You just don’t realize how fierce the battle is. It is so violent, so heavy and it floods you until you become completely overwhelmed.  You start to sink into the mire.

I thank God that there are so many heroes in the bible that had to have their own personal horror stories on BLAST FOR LIFE! Like–even past his death we are still speaking of the ups and downs of a KING named David.  A leader! A guide! A pioneer of faith.

How many times do we recall how flawed the great Apostle Peter was during his own training days beside the King of all kings.  Talk about having the best training ever and still mess up horribly.

Apostle Paul ran churches in every season yet is remembered for his violent temper before and after his days of Christianity.

They are flawed.

I’m flawed.

Like pretty bad.

I can find myself in a state of distress just like David was before becoming king. To top it all off God sent him 400 more stressed out men to complicate the matter– “NOW LEAD THAT WAY!”  I’m gonna start you up right here! Right in the cave of darkness.

Really???

Even in trying to saturate my mind with the Word of God–the flaws just become so obvious when you are next to the rest.  But maybe–just maybe–if we look upon all these written mishaps we will understand just how much they are flawed as you. We are all flawed.

So–God sent His flawless Son to cover all those flaws FOREVER!!!

Every time I want to get better at a thing it looks like I become worse at the thing!

I’m gonna be a better wife! A better mom! A better friend! A better pastor! A better workout routine…all these betters and it actually becomes worse.

LORD HELP! Just help! Because all of this can be so aggravating to the soul.

What do I do?

Just start again Chris…. start again. You got another opportunity to try it again.  No matter how far you think you have fallen, gone off course (mentally, physically or spiritually) just try it again.  The greater the loss–the greater the victory!

I think many times I don’t even know what to do with my complicated self.  I often get– “leaving you alone”. It is so scary. BUT GOD! Thank God that He never tells us–I am leaving you alone.  Even in the most silent times, His presence is there to carry us right through the storms of life.  Through the storms of our mind. Through any warfare.  He will never leave us or forsake us.

So I apologize for being overly complicated. It’s not anyone’s job to fix that. It is my job to recognize that in His Presence I will find the fullness of JOY.  I will come up for air and be able to breathe again after my energy is spent laboring away in a bed of anguish.

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while,
so that we can see life with a clearer view again.”
Alex Tan

Find comfort in His Word, when you go through times like this. He says he will cover you in the wilderness.  He will clothe you in the valley. So when I find even my own mind a wilderness and a valley  –He is going to cover me and bring me to a place where I will rejoice on every side of the madness that is within.

You crown the year with Your goodness,
And Your paths drip with abundance.
They drop on the pastures of the wilderness,
And the little hills rejoice on every side.
The pastures are clothed with flocks;
The valleys also are covered with grain;
They shout for joy, they also sing.
Psalm 65:11-13

I used to feel like my own mighty warrior when I passed through certain battles.  Through much pain, scars, tears and rebuilds –I always found a path for me.  Any battle we face that was worth such effort there is no way to come out without a scar.  For even the greatest warriors have wounds.  There is EVIDENCE of a fight–there is evidence that they had to put MIGHT into the FIGHT! But there is nothing like God’s might against our might.

The bible instructs us that we have to put on the armor of God.  The detail of how is clearly listed all throughout Ephesians 6.  However, there is this verse that stands out which reads in the New King James Version, “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.” So I often repeat this to myself when I face opposition of any sort:

“Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.”
“Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.”
“Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.” Continue reading

A certain walk,
A certain smile,
A certain peace,
A certain joy,
She’ll stand by her King,
JusChrist first & foremost.
Then by the one on earth?
Pave the way through prayers,
Press through work,
Portion what she can,
Bravery becomes her,
Pressure encourages her,
Humility is her familiarity,
Always a game changer,
Breaking through any barriers.
Unlike the pretty,
Nothing like the beautiful,
The only bold she has–
Is allotted by the one who called her… the Queens Walk.
She will have her own footprints 👣 in this life and the next.
Eternity is at the door.
What better kind of walk one could find as royalty.

Proverbs 31:10-31 (Recovery Translation)
Who can find a worthy woman? For her price is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax, And delights to work with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.
She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household, And their task to her serving girls.
She considers a field and buys it; With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She girds her loins with strength And makes strong her arms.
She samples her merchandise to be sure it is good; Her lamp does not go out by night.
She lays her hands to the distaff, And her hands hold on to the spindle.
She stretches out her hand to the afflicted, And she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She does not fear for her household when it snows, For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them And delivers girdles to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she happily looks forward to the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, And the law of kindness is on her tongue.
She watches closely over the ways of her household And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
Many daughters have done worthily, But you surpass them all.
Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; But a woman who fears Jehovah, she will be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.

London 2017

Dear Antonio Juan Mendez! This day I mustered up the words that were so difficult to articulate! I will never say goodbye! I will say I love you my brother all the time! Such a GIANT in everything!!! Because of you I’m going to live a little more; because of you I’m going to laugh a little more because of you; I’m going to love a little more.
I’ve always seen those three together “live, love and laugh” and I can realize and understand this day that you did that! In your 35 years… you truly lived it 100 fold. Every day you had — you seized it! For none was wasted! It’s like you said even in your “bad” days you made sure you were the baddest! And I love that about you.
You accomplished in 1/3 of a life span what others could never accomplish over triple that time. Often myself, stood in awe like HOW, WHY…. what is so different? But this week has brought me a TOTAL understanding of that. Because GOD IS GOD and He numbers our days. So now we know in completion that God accelerated you above the rest because He wanted to TAKE YOU TO BE WITH HIM just like Enoch! Because you walked so closely with God and were his loving worshiper!!!
He prophesied over you and your legacy. It came to pass!!! You planted! You went international! You have a beautiful family, home and church!!! You preached like crazy! Taught! Equipped your family, your friends and your church! You helped to save the lives God showed you to and then God knew!!!
He knew He needed to take you.
He knew it was gonna be like that.
So He put you in a deep sleep! It’s so unexplainable that we know He took you PRIOR TO THE CRASH! And only your body remained and was damaged… not you!
Not you!!!!
You excelled daily! Your passion blazed across the nations! It is stamped on our hearts! We will never be the same again… not out of sorrow but out of APPRECIATION to the man God made you to be.
Every day you loved your family like crazy!
In your busyness, you made SUBSTANTIAL time for them including them in your authentic, authoritative and audacious world! It was so orchestrated by the Love of God because it was uncommon! Your love for Nelida your beautiful mommy!!!! Your love for Cristina your brave, beautiful and fierce wife! Your love for your amazing children Ezekiel, Isaiah and Ezrabella was evident!!! Your love for Juan was exemplary!!!!! Honorable!!!! He was like your dad and bestest friend in this planet!!! You told him EVERYTHING!!!! Even in a moments call you filled him in!!!!! Cassy and Sammy you loved them more than life too!!! They were your kids!!! They have your humorous, humble and hunting DNA to ACT without thinking!
And us— wow! What can I say! Except that I loved every word that came out of your mouth, the sound of your coughing laughter!!!! We were the greatest siblings on the planet!
I looked up to you! But you looked up to me… WHY!!! I will never know that …. So much so, you selected a wife with the same name!!! It was PERFECT! Just like God wanted!
You lived to the fullest ANT!
You laughed the LOUDEST!!!
You loved more than anyone else in this family and that teaches us! You are the true PIONEER of the Mendez and Montalvo legacy!!!! A huge Kingdom General! Our Gladiator!!!! You even carried others when you needed to be carried yourself!  I wanna do more because of you. And I want to do it right.
Now I know…. your anointing is here, laughter here and so many more tasks that you will see come to fruition!

So God sat you down, called you in the midst of this fast paced world and took you to your new glorious home!

I love you ANTHONY!!!! So much! I know you knew that and cherished that too. I promise to pick up where you left and love the ones you loved so dearly! You will be so proud of me. In His Name.