I’ve Decided

Now more than ever I am finding myself understanding the importance of being comfortable in my own skin.  I mean I am who I am.  I am who God created me to be. Me holding back –got a lot of people to dislike me –imagine AS A PRETENDER! A watered down version of me.  Now I am just gonna be me! That’s it. God made it. God created it. And that’s what I want.  I want the real me to surface and be who God created me to be.

I’m sitting across from an empty seat in Barnes and Nobles just thinking, “Does anyone even really know Me???”

The boring me. The peaceful me. The me that cant even function right if I am not reading!!! Like this IS ME! I loveeeeeeeeeeeeee books! I love to read. I love to write. I love the solitude and the quietness. I love the sound that it brings. I love the stillness. I don’t like to be that busybody person moving from place to place. From moment to moment.  That just really throws me off!

Did you know that about me? Like, if I’m not reading –I’m not right!!!

I’m just not.  I need a book in my hand.  I need a journal in my hand.  I need a pen… just like the psalmist declared:

My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
Psalm 45:1

THIS.  IS.  ME.  I cant explain it any clearer than that and if you understand that we are going to be in the best place ever.  I need that in my life. I miss my reading buddy. Oh my God.  What a quiet soul she was.  I read she read. I wrote she wrote. I prayed she prayed.

Then she was gone. And I found myself sitting alone again.

Selah.

I miss that.  But I know that God is gonna lead me to the best next! I trust that so much over my life. I may not be across a stadium, in a field or on some grand pulpit! But here I am–right behind this screen, sharing some raw thoughts of mine that God had demanded from me in 2015.  I will never forget the day or the hour.  But it was on the ride to a retreat of a lifetime. He was asking me to be me.  He was asking for me to pull on my identity.  He was asking me to write it down…because silently He made me this one, that loves the quiet so much.  Now I know why.

I collect my thoughts.  I share them here and I know that it will pave the way for someone to be who and what God created them to be –relentlessly, freely and unapologetically.  It’s so much better this way.  I want nothing less than this.

I decided this is what I want…because this is who I am. Anything less than that is just going to always throw me off. I can’t fight it anymore. I can’t fight me. I have to embrace me.

I decided.
We read.
We write.
We focus.
We live beautifully.

Be free. Be you.

With Love,

Christina

Blessings to all that are viewing this. My name is Christina Cruz-Mendez. I am a Pastor at Mission United International Church in Yonkers, NY working along side my husband Juan A. Mendez Jr. Senior Pastor. We have been together for 25 years with 2 children that God has blessed us with. Makes us the family of four - "JusChrist4". I have been a Christian and active in ministry for about 17 years now. Through all the rocky and smooth roads in life I am eternally grateful that God has brought me this far in life to share with the world what He is doing in me, through me and for me.

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