January

What a year! 2018! Another family storm set course for our direction just at the start.

I took a leap of faith…. I was tired of not growing.

You know the more I think about this the more I think the one thing I’m quitting at is to do better. I feel like I’m quitting at the potential that I know I have in me is built for more.

February

God took me on some nice retreats!!! He know I needed it because I was entering a fragile season.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll discover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhymes of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28-30 The Message Translation

March

The Unknown Stage… “Being in an unknown stage of life is very difficult but one thing I know to do is trust God!” God take the wheel. Drive. Lead. Guide. Propel. I am trying to provoke you with my faith, even if the mustard seed type moved a mountain. I know you can do even more. Not knowing is where I stand. All knowing is who You are. I trust You got the rest, especially what lies within.

April

I wish I could find the thing that speaks right to my mind right away.
I am looking at books, more scriptures, inspirational quotes and devotionals… click out, still the same grapple.

I mean I am a Christian but can I be honest …
Sometimes I find that I can’t find it even in the Word.
I don’t know where to go or where to turn.
I know the Word of God brings deliverance.
There is no buts in that.

Just a mind that gets cluttered and cannot even find rest in the written clear way if that makes any sense!!!

May

A delight to know.
I wont forget this Word.
Even when I don’t see it.
When adversity strikes and shakes the soul.
Jesus will bring me to a complete calmness,
Just as He did to calm the raging sea.
We all are surrounded by it at one point or another.
He will bring it to a complete calmness.
A total victory already won.

June

I guess I am going to have to walk in step with God that no matter where I find myself He is holding me so tight–through every thing and every day.  Good –bad –ugly –frustrated –chaos –busyness –overloads!!!

As long as my path is blazed by God I know I am always going to be happy.
Even in the busiest moments I must say that I know that He has a grip on my life.
I am going to keep on trusting Him on that.

July

I am more than a conqueror!
That’s everything that I am!
That’s everything that He tells me!
That’s what I got to focus on!
To believe the best about myself!
Not the negatives that people want to push on me.
Try saying some life in the “correction”
But the focus for me cannot, will not and shall not be everything that I am not!!!!
My focus will be everything that I am through Christ who strengthens me!!!

August

Today I got my first seed for “Rise Above Adversity!” My second book release. I waited all day for this book to come in yesterday from Amazon—finally to see it live! So I ordered this special copy for myself intended to keep it.

When the book arrives last night and I examine it, the book is smaller than Rebuilt. I said, “Wow, it’s beautiful but I can’t sell this for $20!!!” And my husband said “Don’t worry —yes you can. It is not about the size of the book but the content that is in it.” So I asked our administrator too (lol) and he said “It’s fine, people will buy it but if you feel like to change it then whatever.”

I am walking around with the book and when we got to a second church to preach as a guest in New Jersey, a man begged me for MY BOOK!!! I’m like, “NO! This is my copy.” He said “I am not leaving without that book I need it!” I said “Okay fine …” I hand him the book and he gave me folded money. He was super happy. I just threw it in my bag. A few minutes later I look and I am like this is a $20 bill but I come to see it is $50!!!!! The Spirit told me, “Don’t put a price on that book! It is a seed!” Glory to Jesus

September

It’s been nice, real nice to be in these days. In the sacrifice I can see God’s supernatural. I had been through such a series of downfall after downfall. In the professional area, in ministry, relationships, emotions, my health and any attempt at trying to progress.

I can see today why this occurred. It’s one thing to preach and another to live through that preaching. So many sleepless nights have passed, tears unseen and cries unheard. God kept His eyes on me the whole time.

God never sends the promise while we are strong. He sends them when we have been weakened like CRAZY! So that way when we come to see the impossible we have no doubt but to declare how He does things in unprecedented ways!

October

I had left early yesterday to arrive as a guest on the show TBN Salsa that is going across 140 countries! Wow… OK–Be anxious for NOTHING! Try that in the midst of dead stop traffic…red lights all around!!!! I cannot even express to you how much everyone in my car was on overdrive! LOL

Obviously I was late –extremely late.  So much so that they had to change the order of speakers.  I was supposed to go first and be ready to deliver.  What circumstances that were set before me.  It always seems to happen that in someway or another I end up last.  Only God.

November

Dear Christina,
I met you at the conference in Charlottesville; I started reading your book the same day that you tossed it on my lap as you were speaking at the conference on Elizabeth in the Bible. I read it in two days. I wept, I stood up, I curled up with it in my bed, I lifted my voice to the Lord, I personally understand every word and gut wrenching sentiment of your book.  I have survived the unthinkable as well, even death at my door.  I found myself in every page.  Your words Christina, ring our mercy and strength.  I thank you for your book.  Love and prayers…

December

Never in my life have I been so completely spent. Never could I have prepared enough for the steps leading up to this moment. Never could I have thought that these things would rip apart my heart and sanity at the expense of achieving happiness for others…. EVEN THEN…. it wasn’t enough. For I could never please everyone. I could anticipate that truth. I was focused on the two. I was focused on the goal. Gladly stated, I would say we successfully achieved just that.

They wed.
And it was epic.
It was the wedding of the century.
Winter Wonderland was accomplished.
The vision was carried out.
Everyone was undeniably blown away in some form or another.
So I decided.
I lived, loved and laughed in my own way.

Today I stated, as I led the morning prayer for MUI Prayer hearing as I woke yes, as congested and committed: AGAINST ALL ODDS!

I made it!
We made it!
I am not gonna quit.
Especially for what and who I love. ♥️

2018 is now gone bye. 2019 will be where the impossible becomes POSSIBLE! Happy New Year to my family, friends and community of believers both online and in the ministry. We could never have done this much in silos. The connection has been a lifeline.

With love,

Christina

I wonder how many times Abel brought that good sacrifice before Cain gave up on love?

Was it really only one time that caused Cain to be so angry? There must have been a series of events over time that caused God to question Cain to face his reality. The bible says in Genesis 4:3, “In the course of time…”

“Why are you so angry?”
“Why is your face downcast?”
Genesis 4:6

How many times did Moses hear the crowd griping with him before he struck that rock.

Anger that caused Paul to split ways with Mark.

Disciples asking how much should they forgive their own brother… 70×7.

Can I be honest…? I think I have been angry for so long that no matter how many times I try to snuff it out, it comes back worse!

I’m angry!

I’m just so angry! Maybe I am even angry at God. I am angry about life sometimes. At a lot of things, situations, persons, places, things, realities, circumstances, struggles and the way things turnout. The list won’t quit.

So I did.

And just when I did…literally just when I wrote it out again… I give up!

Here is what I found:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 The Message Translation

And then I wept…

I gave up. Probably not the way God wants me to handle situations right… Definitely not the way.  More like those selfish, stubborn and humanistic ways and then I read that.

I really wept.

Rise above Chris! Rise higher.  That book was SOOO my whole life. This is just a chapter that was purposely left out. The anger part that I have to leave out and let go of for 2019 approaching. I don’t wanna be angry. I wanna BE that love too. I want to let go because it is seriously draining me. You never realize how much one can hold on and hold on and hold on… until you’ve wept enough.

Anger can get the best of us. Ruin things, opportunities, moments, relationships, marriages, friendships and anything good that belongs to us!

God– yank all anger away. Help me to rise higher inside all those hidden places that try to eat up my flesh and soul. I don’t want to be angry.

LIP. Shut these lips. Love. Is. Patient.

Love is kind….

Love won’t quit! It won’t ever shut down. It won’t run away. It just won’t ever give up. Not EVER! So why do we?

Maybe it’s just me.

Never in my life have I been so completely spent. Never could I have prepared enough for the steps leading up to this moment. Never could I have thought that these things would rip apart my heart and sanity at the expense of achieving happiness for others…. EVEN THEN…. it wasn’t enough. For I could never please everyone. I could anticipate that truth. I was focused on the two. I was focused on the goal. Gladly stated, I would say we successfully achieved just that.
They wed.
And it was epic.
It was the wedding of the century.
Winter Wonderland was accomplished.
The vision was carried out.
Everyone was undeniably blown away in some form or another.
So I decided.
I lived, loved and laughed in my own way.
I enjoyed the moment that I could free my mind of everything else that was still pressing against my soul during this time of detachment. Loss of connection. Loss of what I thought was in some capacity completely mine.
Who could understand that but a mom like me. A woman like me that cares too much and cares too deeply. This internal thing, I can’t even articulate well. Its the best of both worlds. But I found that far few that would make me smile. The few that would make me laugh. The few that would extend the perfect words specifically to me in that moment of frustration and perfection colliding.
Who could know such anguish? My thoughts waged war–like never before. I wanted to crush my head to stop the severity and consistency of the never-ending thoughts bombarding my core.
It was changing my being. I couldn’t even speak, sleep or do anything fully functional.
And just when you want something to be over, it only becomes the beginning of your reality.
Everything changes. Even you.
Life’s tough. It’s heavy. Perplexing. And it keeps on moving. How can I break the things that are breaking me?
Its time to leave the places that drain your soul. How can you keep pouring out when everything inside of you has been pulled out? Let me just keep to this script right now. Because everything else is just passing me by. Let me focus on the things that will keep me whole. I’m gonna do what I can to rest. Rest my mind, rest my peace, rest my state of being, rest my world of creeping chaos. I’m gonna be intentional about that as I said on Sunday… #sorrynotsorry

But you must stay focused and be alert at all times. Tolerate suffering. Accomplish the good work of an evangelist, and complete the ministry to which you have been called. For I am already being poured out, and the last drops of this drink offering are all that remain; it’s almost time for me to leave. I have fought the good fight, I have stayed on course and finished the race, and through it all, I have kept believing. I look forward to what’s in store for me: a crown of righteousness that the Lord—the always right and just judge—will give me that day (but it is not only for me, but for all those who love and long for His appearing).
2 Timothy 4:5-8 (VOICE)