Category Archives: Inspiration

February 19, 2019

NOT Okay!

By Christina

“The Lord Your God is in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17

“Yet I am always with you;
You hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with Your counsel
And afterward You will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is in the strength of my heart
And my portion forever.”
Psalm 73:23-26

These last few pieces have been so raw.  I’m on the fence about the apology here.  Tonight we were talking about defense mechanisms because we are dealing with an underlying issue of insecurity.

Here is where I wrote –UH YEAH! And I think everyone in my group could attest to that.

Defense Mechanisms (I Declare War by Levi Lusko):

  1. Lashing Out –trying to make others feel small because we may feel small and misery loves company.  We wear an “I’m better than you” mask that we rarely remove.  We cannot rise by cutting others down.
  2. I’m Fine –pretending that everything is okay and acting like you don’t care about what others think. The “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me” response –however this may only be a veneer to cover up sadness.

How I translate this –I harbor my feelings to the point that I will eventually blow up!  Which ends up leading to lashing out, the meltdown, breakdown or blow up.  Everything hits the fan! As I was driving home I began to yell and scream in my car.  Literally at the top of my lungs. Arsenal was flying out to what had appeared to be an angry dialogue with myself and God. This anger thing is literally exhausting. I am so so so tired. So frustrated. So stressed. So pressed.  It’s like everything hitting me at once as a “task item!” Do this, do that, read this, mark this, send this, get this, bring this, say this, fix this… and the list goes on! The pressure is unrelenting.

Like can I just take a NAP!! I’m tired!!!! I am looking forward to the return home EVERY day just so I can sleep, shut my eyes and cancel out the world! I am missing out and I feel like I am losing on every side. When I think I am making headway, I am not.  There goes that unbearable wall.

I don’t like this. I don’t like it one bit.  I don’t like how I feel, I don’t like how I think, I don’t like the turnarounds and I certainly don’t like the energy being viciously pulled from me as I release all this pent up frustration.

I started working out again…got myself on that treadmill and started “running” away! I need a release. I need a break.  I need a big pause. I need me some rest. I need my word. I need prayer. I need my books. I need my coffee or tea. I need my blanket. I need my pillow. I need my recliner. I need my puppy. I need my outlet. I need the things that bring me to that calming state of SELAH!

GOD I NEED YOU!

AND I AM SORRY THAT I AM LASHING OUT AT YOU!!! You don’t deserve that from me at all. But I had no one to turn to in that moment with my rage again…so I just brought it to You and brought it out again to me. I can’t do this no more. I opened up that Word! I prayed. I cried. I read. I wrote. Until I found the calm that I needed in the place where I know I can turn to every time.

So I am sorry for all the rage in me. As I asked You to pull this from my life. For everywhere I turn I can gain a foe! But I have to keep reminding myself that You are using this so that I can grow. I don’t want to keep carrying this anymore. This is such a tough season for me.  A cold, long, bitter and tiring WINTER! I have no leaves on this tree. They have all fallen from the bitter cold. The winter storms that have beaten me down. And the snow is on the branches and it’s weighing me down too. I just can’t wait for spring. I am waiting for the bud! I gotta hang on and I gotta hang tight. We’ll get past it!

Forgive me… because I am not really okay.  But I know I want to be.

I really want to be OKAY! Then I found that Word…. “He will quiet you with His love!” ❤

3 Comments | posted in Inspiration

January 28, 2019

Don’t Let ‘Em In

By Christina

I could have so used seeing something like this today:

SAM I AM Bagels
Started Loved Letters

(S W I P E) 2 years ago today.
This is Pastor Christina a woman who wears her scars as accessories to show the world how beautiful transformation really is. It takes courage and a special kind of confidence to be so raw. She has inspired me in more ways I can say. Happy Monday #MotivationMonday love you to pieces Mama C 💜🐛🦋

From Lucy Torres –one of my spiritual daughters.  She is absolutely amazing, beautiful, caring, daring and exceptionally talented in so many ways.  I love her tremendously.

I remember such a great memory like this.  It’s good to share good things and moments about each other. It let’s us know that we had them! They existed and they exist.  We just keep making new ones. Some with new and some with the older connections. Either way we make them–a boat load of memories that we should cherish. That’s what I am learning.  Life is like a ROSE, we understand that the petals will eventually fall… but it never changes what existed. A beautiful flower. That’s what it is.

As I reflect on good things I have to remind myself to KEEP ON! To keep stable. To keep my peace. Don’t let in anything else contrary to that. Nothing false.  Nothing toxic. Nothing with drama. Don’t let ’em in!

There is a movie that my family loves to see called, “Four Christmases” with Vince Vaughn. He is hilarious in this film.  He stars alongside Reese Witherspoon.  There is a scene where they have to visit all the parents and they speak prior to the visits to make sure that they don’t let them in! Meaning…that they won’t allow the family visits to hinder or effect who they are or their relationship.

After a few visits they began to fuss and argue…  So Brad (Vince Vaughn) tells his girlfriend Kate (Reese Witherspoon) — “We’re Lettin’ them in!” It was a reminder of their own pep-talk and encouragement to each other to stay strong even when those around them may get crazy. It was a funny scene and such a truth to how we can let people or the situations around us affect our mood.

Either they can make us happy or they can make us sad. They can make us frustrated, they can make us angry.  The thing to do is always CHOOSE wisely and know that whenever we do encounter situations that can rive us up we must keep to the stable place within.

Don’t let the noise in. Don’t let the enemy bring you down. Don’t allow people, things, places, situations, relationships, challenges or hardships to get in the way of who you are and what you need to accomplish. It may not always be easy but it certainly is possible. Live well. Live at peace. Keep at it. Stay on the course that sustains you, that keeps you healthy and grounded. That is why I share that memory. It was right where I love, doing what I love and surrounded by women that my heart will always cherish.

With Love,

Christina

Scripture Reference:
Put on the full armor of God to protect yourselves from the devil and his evil schemes. We’re not waging war against enemies of flesh and blood alone. No, this fight is against tyrants, against authorities, against supernatural powers and demon princes that slither in the darkness of this world, and against wicked spiritual armies that lurk about in heavenly places. And this is why you need to be head-to-toe in the full armor of God: so you can resist during these evil days and be fully prepared to hold your ground.
Ephesians 6:11-13 (VOICE Translation)

Leave a comment | posted in Faith, Inspiration, Loved Letters, Peace, ROSE

January 6, 2019

ENOUGH

By Christina

Wow! Done! Day 5… first book of the year and what a POWERFUL one at that! @thesinglewoman … Mandy Hale; Thank you for sharing YOU with us… the uncut, fully flawed, unapologetic and authentic version of who God made you to be! It’s MORE than enough! It’s a walking testimony to the lives of everyone that has ever doubted themselves, questioned, felt like never ever enough. But this powerful message is a lifeline for us and a reminder that LOVE SHOWS UP… and let’s us know that we are enough. To us… that love is God! God shows up every time we fall into that slump to remind us… let it be, I got this. I am with you always even to the end of this age!!! #iamenough ♥️

How many times have I felt inadequate? Not capable? Not enough? Last? Lonely? Sad? Confused? Disappointed? Oh my God! He knows it all. And so I loved this woman’s story! I wrote down the most profound reminders.

Page 89!!!! Even tapped it again as I found it:

”And maybe, just maybe, our enoughness, our worth, has nothing whatsoever to do with who’s beside us and everything to do with what’s inside us.”

Page 87:

”When you lose yourself, you find yourself.”    ”I think I needed to lose myself for a little while, to wander, to wonder, in order to realize I will always, always be able to find myself again in the things that I love. In the things that I’ve always loved. The heart of who we are, who we were, way back when—it never really changes.”

Page 102-103:

”Because that’s what love does. It shows up, and it means you are right where you’re at. Love kneels and comforts and speaks softly of hope even when all hope seems lost.” “Because that’s what love does. It’s sacrifices. It misses out on sleep. It puts the other person ahead of its own comfort. LOVE SHOWS UP.”

Page 105-106:

”But you know what happens to girls who allow themselves to become life rafts? They sink themselves. They get dragged into whirling, swirling cesspools of drama and chaos and dysfunction. They start to mistake mirages for the real deal. They start to question why they seem to never be enough.”

”You are not a life raft, you are not a compass, you are not bread crumbs, you are not a flashlight, you are not a Band-Aid, and you are not a stop along the way as he attempts to ‘find himself.’ You are a destination. A whole, complete person who deserves another whole, complete person. You are wonderfully, beautifully enough.”

“But find your own way. Chart your own course. And never use another human being and their feelings and emotions as your GPS. Never look to another person to rescue you.”

And that’s the point! It’s a God thing! He is everything we are ever going to need. We are enough, just as He is to us. He made us that way!

E N O U G H ♥️

2 Comments | posted in Celebration, Emerging, Encouragement, I AM, Identity, Inspiration, Love, Loved Letters, Peace, Recovery, Relationships, Restoration, Transition, Trust

January 1, 2019

2019 Agenda

By Christina

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  2019 Agenda begins.

Write daily! Every day, some how some way. Here is a start to that.

I was pondering the beginning of this new year, as we all do our new resolutions–does it ever change or make things better? I want it to be.

I want to be more intentional in so many areas that are an essential part of my life. Things that need to be a part of my life and also the things that need to be eliminated from my life that are toxic.

I spent my first day of the year waking up with the group morning prayer on Facebook live. Went back to sleep for a bit and rose up to begin the grind.

What are some of the things that are always on my list…better health (body, soul & spirit). Then the year continues and we eventually tack on the junk here and the junk there. Before you know it, we’ve just repeated the same insanity way of living because of habits.

  1. BREAK HABITS! Habits that weaken my body, soul and spirit. Meaning – food, everything I consume that will nurture this body, soul & spirit. I have to feed it the right things. Healthy meals, consistent regimen, positive thoughts, improved relationships and a deep pattern of study for the mind. Prayer, fastings OFTEN and reading of the Word with spiritual and professional growth books.
  2. DON’T QUIT! Keep doing the things that are healthy for me. Repetition and intentionality of all the above. I can’t quit, I can’t slack and I can’t take these lengthy breaks or vacations from the things that will improve and create healthy habits.
  3. REST & RELAXATION! Why can’t I rest the way I need to at this age and season of life? So be it, I will do it. I am going to sleep my adequate hours, take my lovely naps that I love when I need rest. I am going to pamper myself, dress well and organized. I am going to factor in my spa time. It is that necessary. Especially when I need to disconnect to connect. This is a vital.
  4. BE PURPOSEFUL! If it doesn’t serve the overall goal or purpose for my life then cut it out. Remove it. Skip it. Don’t do it. Don’t entertain it. Nothing negative –ABORT anything that tries to attach itself to the womb of my body, soul and spirit that would try to bring me decrease or harm. De-clutter, throw away all junk. Rid yourself. Health FIRST! That’s my resolution–that’s my agenda for 2019!
  5. BE CREATIVE! That means doing all the things I love to do, write, journal, design, organize my home, work space and everywhere I go. Spend the time to invest in my creativity, let it out and pour it out. These are the things that help me to be authentic. I have a lot to give and it is never to hold it back. Create the environment, the setting, the atmosphere, the mood and the things that reflect the love of God and the beauty of nature.

Scripture:

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!
Hebrews 12:1-3 The Message Translation

May this be a glorious year where we see the impossible become possible… that chains, habits and all toxicity be broken. Anything that wearies us be detached and replaced with STRENGTH!

Let us grow like never before and fully flourish in 2019. ❤

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