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I will remember my song in the night;

I will meditate with my heart, And my spirit searches…

PSALM 77:6 AMP

I wish I could find the thing that speaks right to my mind right away.

I am looking at books, more scriptures, inspirational quotes and devotionals… click out, still the same grapple.

I mean I am a Christian but can I be honest …

Sometimes I find that I can’t find it even in the Word.

I don’t know where to go or where to turn.

I know the Word of God brings deliverance.

There is no buts in that.

Just a mind that gets cluttered and cannot even find rest in the written clear way if that makes any sense!!!

I wake in the night.

Attacked with a sleepless fight.

I’m wrestling with something internal.

It wakes me.

Disturbing my peace.

Robbing me of this silent time in the night that would rest my mind and anxious thoughts.

But that’s the thing.

The thoughts creep in.

I want a friend but then no.

I want a counselor but then no.

I want to cry and then comes the downpour,

Inconsolable, unexplainable and unapologetically.

The tears start pouring out.

I’m alone again.

Alone in my thinking.

Alone in my world.

Alone in my own silent battle.

And a weeping night.

Could this pass?

Because the reality is I just want to get the thoughts OUT!

I don’t wanna “talk it out” you feel me?

That’s annoying sometimes.

Then I sit and cry some more.

I talk to God, cry to God and reason with Him alone.

Then I just pray to keep my calm because this restless place is taking all my rest.

It just never makes sense.

What can I say…

Pray through the restless places.

Cuz even there He will find us,

Even if we still feel lost.

“My voice rises to God, and I will cry aloud; My voice rises to God, and He will hear me. In the day of my trouble I [desperately] sought the Lord; In the night my hand was stretched out [in prayer] without weariness; My soul refused to be comforted. I remember God; then I am disquieted and I groan; I sigh [in prayer], and my spirit grows faint. Selah. You have held my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the ancient days, The years [of prosperity] of long, long ago. I will remember my song in the night; I will meditate with my heart, And my spirit searches: Will the Lord reject forever? And will He never be favorable again? Has His lovingkindness ceased forever? Have His promises ended for all time? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Or has He in anger withdrawn His compassion? Selah. And I said, “This is my grief, That the right hand of the Most High has changed [and His lovingkindness is withheld].” I will [solemnly] remember the deeds of the LORD; Yes, I will [wholeheartedly] remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate on all Your works And thoughtfully consider all Your [great and wondrous] deeds. Your way, O God, is holy [far from sin and guilt]. What god is great like our God? You are the [awesome] God who works [powerful] wonders; You have demonstrated Your power among the people. You have with Your [great] arm redeemed Your people, The sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah. The waters [of the Red Sea] saw You, O God; The waters saw You, they were in anguish; The deeps also trembled. The clouds poured down water; The skies sent out a sound [of rumbling thunder]; Your arrows (lightning) flashed here and there. The voice of Your thunder was in the whirlwind; The lightnings illumined the world; The earth trembled and shook. Your way [of escape for Your people] was through the sea, And Your paths through the great waters, And Your footprints were not traceable. You led Your people like a flock By the hand of Moses and Aaron [to the promised goal].”

‭‭PSALM‬ ‭77:1-20‬ ‭AMP‬‬

There was a moment in Saul’s life where he needed a Damascus experience. He thought he was doing a good thing for God but he really wasn’t. He was just doing his own thing. He was traveling down a selfish road until he collided with the One who knows all.  He met Jesus.

It went something like this…

Saul’s Conversion

Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”
“Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.
“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”
The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.
Acts of the Apostles 9:1-9 [New International Version]

So here goes a late night prayer for us:

Dear God,
Our written prayer here today. This is an acknowledgement that we know we can do better.  We can do more. In a place of prayer and supplication. Where it all takes place for us. A place of fasting –that’s tough. A place of consecration and a place where we are in Your very presence. Right NOW there’s a lot to pray through! Situations that take place at home, for work and even for church.  We pray that the hearts of Your people fully turn toward You in every way.  A heart and burden to serve. To be compelled, committed and a fight for our faith and future so that we stay grounded. Let us last in love. May our hearts come to remain faithful in all that we do and not be pulled towards the ways of this world. Let our NOW be a conversion of our ways. A conversion just like a Damascus experience where we fully yield, surrender, submit and serve You– not like the way we see as best, like Saul did but how You see as best. Saul thought he was doing you right! Lead us down our Damascus. Where we recognize – it’s not about what we think but what You think God. Lead us God down that road to real sacrificial success!
We need You.
We need help.
We need each other.
We need prayer!
Soften our hearts. Invigorate our minds.
TRANSFORM PERPECTIVE so it’s right! So its godly! That we know its not about fun and games but about faith and grace! Fix us so we can be fixated on You. Let that pull towards You be highlighted before us. In our sleep –thoughts –hearts –ways –speech –works!
In all things God, that we permeate what’s Yours and not ours!
Fix those that strayed in any way, shape or form. God, may You open our eyes so that we know its not just about church but about community and unity! It is the togetherness that we need just like the book of Acts. In the good times and through the bad, let us connect and stay strong as a body of Christ that glorifies Your holy Name!
We put our trust in You God. Where it all takes place.
In You. In prayer!

In Jesus Name we pray.

AMEN!