Don’t you hate when minutes feel like hours, like hours feel like days, like days feel like weeks and the weeks feel like years? You seem stranded in the moment of now only to keep coming back to the same boat of problems. It feels frustrating. Wearisome. Depressing.
Are you okay?
No. I’m not. And I can’t adequately describe everything that is happening internally so I try to keep even quieter. As that is happening I feel like I am being suffocated. Moments like this sucking the very life from me and I get numb.
I look to the word—not the paper or online but the Word that pops up in my spirit and I got this.
Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
Psalm 84:10 (New International Version)
Better is one day in Your courts…. Courts? That is an area open to the sky and mostly or entirely surrounded by buildings or walls.
When I feel like the walls of life are caving in on me—You are saying there is an OPEN area if I look up????
To heaven—to You God. I got to look to You more and more and more and more.
I say teach me the way. Then I feel like this elephant parked himself on top of my heart and I want to cry from the internal pain it feels from the pressure. The huge weight.
Better is one day in Your courts….
I have to look up. I must. There is a light at the end of this dark tunnel of mine. I almost wanted all the light to go away so I can continue to sit in the darkness.
I will look up Lord. Because I know that is all I have now. I have to look up to You every time I feel these walls of emptiness, walls of loneliness, walls of depression, walls of fear, walls of anxiety, walls of busyness, walls of chaos, walls of stress, walls of anger, walls of frustration…. There are walls everywhere—all types, all kinds and all sizes. Some days are easier than others. Pain is pain and it will be felt some way or another.
I will look up.
Because if I keep looking at these walls of mine I am going to feel them crushing me. But if I look up I will always see a way out even when the surroundings don’t line up.
I will look up. No matter how many times, for this shall occur. He never said we would not have any of these but He did say that He would be there with us. Let’s look UP!
March 24: Young, Sarah. Jesus Always: Embracing Joy in His Presence.
NO MATTER HOW INADEQUATE you may feel, you can always look to Me for help. You don’t need to go to a special place or assume a certain posture to seek My Face. Nor do you need to use elegant language or work to win My favor. I always look favorably on you because I see you clothed in My righteousness. I am alive in you, and I understand your thoughts perfectly. So a simple glance at Me—made in faith—is enough to connect you to My help.
Look to the LORD and His strength; seek His face always.
—PSALM 105:4
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
—PSALM 46:1
I used to feel like my own mighty warrior when I passed through certain battles. Through much pain, scars, tears and rebuilds –I always found a path for me. Any battle we face that was worth such effort there is no way to come out without a scar. For even the greatest warriors have wounds. There is EVIDENCE of a fight–there is evidence that they had to put MIGHT into the FIGHT! But there is nothing like God’s might against our might.
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