My Perfect Storm

PerfStorm

So I receive an email for a daily devotional titled… “An Unexpected Storm” which was driven off another book written by James Merritt “52 Weeks with Jesus”. He goes to describe the scene of the storm out of Mark 4:36-40 as it states:

Leaving the crowd, they took him with them, in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” and he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” and the wind ceases and there was a great calm. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?”

What really caught me was the closing statement “He will calm the tempest after it has served its purpose.”

Did my storm serve its purpose yet? Is that why it is not yet calm?  That it has not yet ceased at this time?

I struggled with that a bit inside because although the storm has stopped on the outside for the most part, I don’t feel calm inside! In fact I feel quite stirred up most days and find that this is taking such huge effort to bring myself to a place of stability, comfort and calmness. I preach the word, minister words of life and when I need it the most I have to yell this over my own life repeatedly for the memory of the waves that were breaking my boat and filling it to capacity still are daunting me! I want everything to be okay, to be at peace and to be well.

Jesus calmed the storm but there is a bigger storm going on in the inside of us that no one can really see but us! This is what moves us, it scares us and terrifies us. How do we calm THAT piece of it…the place where no one sees? We call it home right—our place of haven that is being shaken up…it’s our home, our land…like if we can conquer it at home then we can conquer it anywhere right? Because a part of all that external mess and garbage from the storm, there is a bigger thing happening inside of us. So I personalize this message for me…

I NEED THAT CALM!

A REAL CALM!

Calm is without motion, still, not windy or stormy, free from excitement or passion, tranquil and freedom from disturbance!

I have to keep telling myself…Don’t let those things disrupt you! It will get better –it will!

When I was checking—it hurt like hell. Then I asked someone else to check, it hurt a little less. Then I could only assume that I won’t ask anyone else next but only God to check! Check on that God. Please keep it in perfect peace, bliss, joy, grace…for that is the blessing in my understanding! Then I know that I got that peace perfected where God is the source of my strength indeed. I need friends and sisterhood. I need gatherings and fellowship. I need church. There’s a freedom when I worship the King of kings. When I preach, life is brushed back into my bones and my spirit is no longer overwhelmed…but I have to admit that I’m not in this place 24-7. My world comes down…its cessation is reached and I know I am in the place called home… Alone…in my mind…where now it truly is just me, my mind, and my God. I hear that preaching over and over from the last 7 words that rung in my ears, “My God, My God…why have you forsaken me?” I feel that type of forsaken and forgotten. I feel at times like there is nothing or no one left. Like no one could ever come close or fill the void but I know that God will. I trust that God can. I believe that God can! I just know that I know!

So this is where I see that I have my perfect storm. The disciples even screamed at the top of their lungs…”JESUS… WAKE UP… WE ARE PERISHING! WE ARE DROWNING!!!” They are essentially saying “Don’t you care?!?”

Don’t you ever feel like the rain won’t stop?

Don’t you ever feel like the storm won’t cease?

Don’t you ever feel like that gnawing feeling won’t ever go away?

Don’t you ever feel like you won’t ever find that place of peace?

When we KNOW it exists.  We KNOW God exists. We know He is in the same boat with us. He was human right! He was live in the flesh so He felt everything we felt. How torn He must of felt when Judas came and kissed His cheek… how torn He must have felt when all the disciples fled, how torn He must of felt to hear Peter who swore up and down he would never leave Him curse the people away that he NEVER KNEW JESUS!

So when I think of my storm… that seems like the best… the perfect problem… the PERFECT one and only one… I have to realize that one thing in the eyes of God that He took on the cross of Calvary by the way of Jesus. How much more PERFECT IS THAT?

Blessings to all that are viewing this. My name is Christina Cruz-Mendez. I am a Pastor at Mission United International Church in Yonkers, NY working along side my husband Juan A. Mendez Jr. Senior Pastor. We have been together for 25 years with 2 children that God has blessed us with. Makes us the family of four - "JusChrist4". I have been a Christian and active in ministry for about 17 years now. Through all the rocky and smooth roads in life I am eternally grateful that God has brought me this far in life to share with the world what He is doing in me, through me and for me.

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