Loss of the Barren

My discourse with God is like this…

I am at a loss. Yes. In the midst of gain!!! Huge Gain!!!! I am in awe, not even certain how to compile some words of gratitude so that it makes sense. Look what You have done.

When I was rejected, You kept me.
When I was lost, You found me.
When I was laughed at, You encouraged me.
When I was weakened, You strength me.
When I was hurt, You healed me.
When I was broken, You rebuilt me!!!!

I wanted so much in life. I placed internal desires above the rest. I then thought all of this died with the old.

Then You renewed me.
I had found a new hope, new vision and even new dreams.

You restored my soul.
The one that was desolate, distraught and destroyed. You brought me to a spacious place.

You rebuilt me.
In a process and a continuous journey that abandons self. Abandons the old. Abandons the barren.

Pastor Segun from Scotland said these things:
“Your disadvantages are God’s advantages.”
“If your wound (pain) has a pulse, it becomes poisonous.”

I have been the BIGGEST OFFENDER of keeping pain alive. Wounds with Band-Aids on them had to be exposed for true healing.

I can be honest that my faith level may not have been equivalent to the mustard seed. I could never think good things possible for me the way it appeared to be for others.

Perhaps comparison really crushes one.

I was always LAST!
Always LEFT!
Always LOST!
Always the runt of anything and everything.
So what could come out of this as good?

How did You keep THIS woman alive?
How did You keep me sane?
How did You confine my family to wait and to bear through my madness?
How did You keep THE CALLING???
How did You keep this one ‘lil dream alive… that perhaps one day I can come out of the dark and into the LIGHT of love.

Your love.
Your help.
Your plan.
Your purpose for me.

So that one ‘lil thing became a big giant thing! I see the birth of something huge. It came to LIFE! The worst thing became a better thing! The wounded thing became a healed thing! The wayward thing became a settled thing. The wasteland became a water well.

It became the testimony!

I love our ME & YOU thing God!!!!!

Today You turned this writer into an author.
Only You.

I’m at a loss in the midst of gain. It is no longer I that lives, but how You saved me so that You can live in me.

“He went out to the spring of the waters, and threw salt into it, and said, “The Lord says, ‘I have healed these waters. There shall not be from there any more death or barren wasteland.’”
‭‭2 Kings‬ ‭2:21‬ ‭WMB‬‬