DARKEST VALLEY

“Even though I walk through the DARKEST VALLEY
I will fear NO evil for You ARE with me;
Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.”

I haven’t slept in weeks. I am bone tired.
Exhausted. Spent.
My eyes are heavy, I have perpetual headaches, dizziness and I am feeling a bit delusional.

The worst part of it all is that this is only the beginning.

I stood through the night when sleep escaped me and I prayed.

I cried out to God and asked Him for help.

This is my darkest valley.

I don’t know how we took a turn into this valley but we did.

In my previous blog I wrote that I have never felt so alone.

Then this scripture came to me as I searched and searched.

Even though I walk through the DARKEST VALLEY… I will fear NO evil for YOU ARE WITH ME.

I am not alone.

My mind tells me I am alone.

I look around me and I am alone.

But I have to remind myself that I am NOT.

All this time, He has been with me and He has never left me.

The darkest valley looks different for folks.

Maybe its grief.. that loss of a loved one or loved ones.

Maybe its perpetual stress and disruption.

Maybe it’s the breakup of a relationship.

Maybe its deep seated betrayal.

Maybe it’s the loss of a job or career.

Whatever you DARKEST VALLEY is… You were never alone.

AT ALL.

I needed something – I said You gotta give me something.

And the something that He gave me I didn’t like.

I shook.

Because it was the truth I needed.

Rocking me to my core.

I been there.

Oh how the tables have turned.

Sir Walter Scott said, “Oh what a tangled web we weave”.

People aren’t going to understand the depth of my anguish. They aren’t going to know my pain.

They are not going to walk through this process with me. Gosh my mind hurts.

My soul absolutely and entirely gutted. Just WOW!

They are not going to know this darkest valley because they probably had their own version of theirs.

But this is mine.

This is an opportunity to really consider my options but look to the ONE who is with me.

Day and night.

Night and day.

He is there. Without fail.  And He is my constant.

Leaving is abandonment.  And I was left long ago.

Only to come to this conclusion that there was One who would never abandon me.

So I am not going to ask

I am not going to fight.

I am going to embrace.

I am going to wait like He told me and embrace where He is leading me which is right into HIS ARMS.

How peaceful that is going to be.

This time it is going to be the right way where it was always meant to be.

How am I even standing now and even functioning in this cataclysmic chaos.

I am so so so very tired. I need sleep. I need rest. I need a reprieve from this mess.

God’s got me… even in my darkest valley.

AMEN