Category Archives: Transition

February 9, 2019

Uncharted Waters

By Christina

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens;
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV

I received a text message the other day —

“Write. When your mind is cluttered, write about it.
Many of us need it!”

I guess this is a big time of silence for me. I think because I am honestly still so angry and I am trying to get past all that.  It is that so much is encompassed in the anger. Frustration, regret, upset, sickness, loss, contention, division, disappointment…. yeah the list goes on! And I’m angry about it.

I try to be as silent as I can and sometimes it breathes out.

I think I am still so upset about the things that are so way out of my control.

The sudden loss is still aching in my soul. I could only lie there in the dark and wanna scream so loud but no sound is coming out. But the tears are rolling down my face. Tears of rage. Tears of frustration. Tears of loss. Tears of disappointment. Tears! Tears! And more tears! I think I am even crying on the inside.

So many things I just cant control… the uncharted waters of life. You never know what’s really going to happen. Sadness wants to sweep over just like that river. And it’s cold. A whole body of water and it feels empty. Bitter. Freezing! Just a whole set of winter coming on so strong. What a season and what a way to start the year when you thought it would be at its best.

Those uncharted waters and great unexpected just come banging down that door. Flooding in–uncontrollable! It rips at your soul. What could I do but know there is a time for everything. In life –things happen! Good, bad, ugly, beautiful, great, crazy –uncharted! That huge place of the unknown. Not knowing how long this winter is really going to last, not even the groundhog could pick that up! SMDH!

I heard a small preaching from Upper Room –YouTube.  Not sure who the preacher was but oh when he spoke he really hit home with so much of what I was feeling and he read this scripture from Ecclesiastes! He said this –“Change is inevitable, but progress is optional!” The heart is in a raw place a lot because of transition now.  When you take the measureables and see the fruit of the Lords doing. Relational transitioning one way or another, sometimes we grieve the transition. Especially that sudden loss! He continued to say… “How has our heart progressed?  This is where the Lord meets us in a profound way.  He is there intimately and deeply. Let Him shepherd you and meet you in places where people can’t! He see’s you and knows where you are and speaks words to you where you are in your reality.”

This is my reality. An unexpected shift and turn these past few weeks! What a head spin so much so that it made my body so ill! All I could do was lay there and try to get some internal rest, if that even makes sense. It’s so obvious that my whole body demanded it after being so worn out mentally, physically and emotionally. That’s what happens in the unknown and unexpected places –it actually weighs you down big time!

I’m tired!

I’m tired of the loss!

I’m tired of the disappointments!

I’m so tired of the things that I thought I had a hold on and then it ripped from my grip!

Only God can steer this ship now in the waters that I find myself swimming in these days.  Only God. In this season of life, He is the Captain of this ship! He’s in control of the uncontrollable. And I must securely run to Him–if there is anything that I could know in the unknown, is that even there His love will find me. He is with me in these uncharted waters more than anything or anyone I could want to be there with me.

It’s a heavenly thing now. That is this season we are in. ❤ Keep steering God, keep steering!

Leave a comment | posted in Emerging, Rest, ROSE, Transition

January 6, 2019

ENOUGH

By Christina

Wow! Done! Day 5… first book of the year and what a POWERFUL one at that! @thesinglewoman … Mandy Hale; Thank you for sharing YOU with us… the uncut, fully flawed, unapologetic and authentic version of who God made you to be! It’s MORE than enough! It’s a walking testimony to the lives of everyone that has ever doubted themselves, questioned, felt like never ever enough. But this powerful message is a lifeline for us and a reminder that LOVE SHOWS UP… and let’s us know that we are enough. To us… that love is God! God shows up every time we fall into that slump to remind us… let it be, I got this. I am with you always even to the end of this age!!! #iamenough ♥️

How many times have I felt inadequate? Not capable? Not enough? Last? Lonely? Sad? Confused? Disappointed? Oh my God! He knows it all. And so I loved this woman’s story! I wrote down the most profound reminders.

Page 89!!!! Even tapped it again as I found it:

”And maybe, just maybe, our enoughness, our worth, has nothing whatsoever to do with who’s beside us and everything to do with what’s inside us.”

Page 87:

”When you lose yourself, you find yourself.”    ”I think I needed to lose myself for a little while, to wander, to wonder, in order to realize I will always, always be able to find myself again in the things that I love. In the things that I’ve always loved. The heart of who we are, who we were, way back when—it never really changes.”

Page 102-103:

”Because that’s what love does. It shows up, and it means you are right where you’re at. Love kneels and comforts and speaks softly of hope even when all hope seems lost.” “Because that’s what love does. It’s sacrifices. It misses out on sleep. It puts the other person ahead of its own comfort. LOVE SHOWS UP.”

Page 105-106:

”But you know what happens to girls who allow themselves to become life rafts? They sink themselves. They get dragged into whirling, swirling cesspools of drama and chaos and dysfunction. They start to mistake mirages for the real deal. They start to question why they seem to never be enough.”

”You are not a life raft, you are not a compass, you are not bread crumbs, you are not a flashlight, you are not a Band-Aid, and you are not a stop along the way as he attempts to ‘find himself.’ You are a destination. A whole, complete person who deserves another whole, complete person. You are wonderfully, beautifully enough.”

“But find your own way. Chart your own course. And never use another human being and their feelings and emotions as your GPS. Never look to another person to rescue you.”

And that’s the point! It’s a God thing! He is everything we are ever going to need. We are enough, just as He is to us. He made us that way!

E N O U G H ♥️

2 Comments | posted in Celebration, Emerging, Encouragement, I AM, Identity, Inspiration, Love, Loved Letters, Peace, Recovery, Relationships, Restoration, Transition, Trust

November 27, 2018

Dear Family

By Christina

Dear Family,

A big week has arrived for us and we have been experiencing big issues at the same time. The best thing that we have that is bigger than all of that is a big God that we all serve.

This is the moment where we get to all live that out and put it into practice.

Over the course of weeks and months this has been such a trying time for us all. We lost life. We lost family. We lost love and some of us even lost hope.

However, we also can say that others have gained life, gained family, gained love and some gaining more hope.

In the midst of transitional heights such as this –we experience a lot of raw emotions. This is okay. This is normal but we can’t stay in this place at all. All this is passing. Even this time may cause us to say and do things we never thought that we would do before. What do we do now? How do we embrace such great transitions? Just thinking about that as we are still healing and helping is some kind of anguish. It is never that easy for any one of us.

A pillar of our family was tragically stripped from us. Another pillar was tragically struck with illness. Others have transitioned away into their next season as this is a normal thing we embrace. Others are moving out or moving away. Some are wretched tears and others are with great celebrating. We cried, yelled, screamed, laughed, hugged…. Nevertheless, we have also said things that we probably should not have or done things we should not have. Much of what we regret but we cannot take back.

I am sorry for the things I said and done.

We can all attest to that. What can I say?  This is not going to be an easy season especially approaching the holidays.  In these next four days, perhaps we can do all that we can in the midst of our past, our pain, our purpose or any other priorities and make two people a HUGE priority this week and that is Cassandra and Matthew.

Let us love on them. Embrace them. Celebrate them. Encourage them. And help them as much as we could—but what I think they want to see more than anything else. Is that we do that together—in LOVE as a family.  A real family. Pushing aside all of our personal feelings, opinions, convictions and beliefs and work to do ONE THING ONLY THIS WEEK.

As my dear friend would always shout from the pulpit –“It’s not about you!”

It is really not.

It is about the LOVE of God and the love that He wants us to demonstrate more so even now. With all these moving parts.

I love you.

I really do.

Moreover, I hate that the enemy is using this for fuel to try and separate.  WE SHOULD KNOW BETTER!

LAY ASIDE YOUR SELF!!!! AND focus on the two that God is telling us to focus on in this moment.  We cannot give the enemy a foothold –because he is making it a stronghold and we know those are hard to tear down. Here is a recipe that I will say has been given to us.

Start with love. Start with hope. Let us follow the golden rule of Romans 12:12 and overcome this thing. It is our nature to act up –yes even as Christians! However, it is the Holy Spirits nature in us to make us press right through the natural into the supernatural and put on some SUPER LOVE.

But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.
Colossians 3:14 NKJV

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, WEAR LOVE. It’s your basic, all- purpose garment. NEVER BE WITHOUT IT.
Colossians 3:14 MSG

As I think about this precious moment of my only daughter walking down that aisle I am in such an unexplainable state. I leave those thoughts with God. But one thing we will remember is that garment she is wearing. The beautiful white gown on this bride. Symbolic of a pure love. That is the garment God wants us to put on. Just like that and that we never take this specific gown off, not for a moment.

We conquer. We rise above. We find a way.

With love,

Christina

4 Comments | posted in Celebration, Encouragement, Faith, Family, Healing, Hope, Love, Loved Letters, Relationships, Restoration, Transition, Trust

October 23, 2018

This Is Pretty Cool

By Christina

I have seen the kinds of tasks God has given each of us to do to keep one busy, and I know God has made everything beautiful for its time. God has also placed in our minds a sense of eternity; we look back on the past and ponder over the future, yet we cannot understand the doings of God. I know there is nothing better for us than to be joyful and to do good throughout our lives; to eat and drink and see the good in all of our hard work is a gift from God. I know everything God does endures for all time. Nothing can be added to it; nothing can be taken away from it. We humans can only stand in awe of all God has done. What has been and what is to be—already is. And God holds accountable all the pursuits of humanity.
Ecclesiastes 3:10-15 (VOICE)

God did make everything beautiful in its time.  It is so hard to say that in the rough times.  But now I know and now I see why.  I could only appreciate even more what He is doing in my now season and I am extremely grateful.  I am joyful.  I am thankful.

As we are approaching the close of this year with two more months left to go…I am gazing at all my surroundings and saying, “God did that!” To say the least right–this year has been a pure madness for me.  I had left in January in a season of mystery.  The only thing I knew was that I had to wait for the “what’s next” moment.  I knew it was coming because I pushed myself to tempt God with a move.  I acted on faith and I left the familiar to a place of a real unknown.

It’s been rough.

I started some real momentum in June, only to become completely depleted of life again. It was the last 18 years on steroids.  It was all packed into 3 rough months.  I mean really rough.  It became a season of doubt for me. Then my doubt became my trust. I had to trust the unknown. I had to trust the storm. I had to trust the loss. I had to trust the absence. I had to trust the void. I had to trust that God was leading me through all of that to prepare me for my REAL season of REST!

Well who would have know! But God.  And not only that but He went above all that. In fact during my prayer walk at lunchtime I told him ”You really surprised me! You went over the top!” LOL

Like this is beautiful! It’s nice. It’s lovely. It is exquisite to me.

“One persons opinion of you doesn’t define you. Bleed it out.
Even Jesus doubted Himself –He prayed.
Season of doubt! 
Trees are full of leaves.
In the autumn leaves begin to fall off.
In the winter, there are no more leaves, it is bare.
Even in winter with no leaves, it is still a tree. 
Once spring comes, leaves come again.
They come again to strengthen us.
For this season will pass Christina.” 
Pastor Olusegun Akinkugbe
City of God Glasgow
Scotland

When we experience such a deep drought, it does cause us to doubt. But it took a season like THIS for me to be able to REST for real. It allowed me to experience the Hand of God in great measure. It allowed me to experience NO LACK! It brought me deeper into the things of God. It got me to hear His word in EVERY season of my life. He kept speaking in various ways. It propelled me into a place of pure trust and pure hope that would inevitable lead me to the place of such an overwhelming victory! It’s nice. It’s really amazing.

Wow! All I can say is in this place as I am gazing at my surroundings, “God, It is pretty cool here! Real cool! Thanks for this. You knew what was best and I needed it.”

It is a season to take territory of this.

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Celebration, Encouragement, Inspiration, Peace, Rest, Transition, Trust