Category Archives: ROSE

Uncharted Waters

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens;
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV

I received a text message the other day —

“Write. When your mind is cluttered, write about it.
Many of us need it!”

I guess this is a big time of silence for me. I think because I am honestly still so angry and I am trying to get past all that.  It is that so much is encompassed in the anger. Frustration, regret, upset, sickness, loss, contention, division, disappointment…. yeah the list goes on! And I’m angry about it.

I try to be as silent as I can and sometimes it breathes out.

I think I am still so upset about the things that are so way out of my control.

The sudden loss is still aching in my soul. I could only lie there in the dark and wanna scream so loud but no sound is coming out. But the tears are rolling down my face. Tears of rage. Tears of frustration. Tears of loss. Tears of disappointment. Tears! Tears! And more tears! I think I am even crying on the inside.

So many things I just cant control… the uncharted waters of life. You never know what’s really going to happen. Sadness wants to sweep over just like that river. And it’s cold. A whole body of water and it feels empty. Bitter. Freezing! Just a whole set of winter coming on so strong. What a season and what a way to start the year when you thought it would be at its best.

Those uncharted waters and great unexpected just come banging down that door. Flooding in–uncontrollable! It rips at your soul. What could I do but know there is a time for everything. In life –things happen! Good, bad, ugly, beautiful, great, crazy –uncharted! That huge place of the unknown. Not knowing how long this winter is really going to last, not even the groundhog could pick that up! SMDH!

I heard a small preaching from Upper Room –YouTube.  Not sure who the preacher was but oh when he spoke he really hit home with so much of what I was feeling and he read this scripture from Ecclesiastes! He said this –“Change is inevitable, but progress is optional!” The heart is in a raw place a lot because of transition now.  When you take the measureables and see the fruit of the Lords doing. Relational transitioning one way or another, sometimes we grieve the transition. Especially that sudden loss! He continued to say… “How has our heart progressed?  This is where the Lord meets us in a profound way.  He is there intimately and deeply. Let Him shepherd you and meet you in places where people can’t! He see’s you and knows where you are and speaks words to you where you are in your reality.”

This is my reality. An unexpected shift and turn these past few weeks! What a head spin so much so that it made my body so ill! All I could do was lay there and try to get some internal rest, if that even makes sense. It’s so obvious that my whole body demanded it after being so worn out mentally, physically and emotionally. That’s what happens in the unknown and unexpected places –it actually weighs you down big time!

I’m tired!

I’m tired of the loss!

I’m tired of the disappointments!

I’m so tired of the things that I thought I had a hold on and then it ripped from my grip!

Only God can steer this ship now in the waters that I find myself swimming in these days.  Only God. In this season of life, He is the Captain of this ship! He’s in control of the uncontrollable. And I must securely run to Him–if there is anything that I could know in the unknown, is that even there His love will find me. He is with me in these uncharted waters more than anything or anyone I could want to be there with me.

It’s a heavenly thing now. That is this season we are in. ❤ Keep steering God, keep steering!


Don’t Let ‘Em In

I could have so used seeing something like this today:

(S W I P E) 2 years ago today.
This is Pastor Christina a woman who wears her scars as accessories to show the world how beautiful transformation really is. It takes courage and a special kind of confidence to be so raw. She has inspired me in more ways I can say. Happy Monday #MotivationMonday love you to pieces Mama C 💜🐛🦋

From Lucy Torres –one of my spiritual daughters.  She is absolutely amazing, beautiful, caring, daring and exceptionally talented in so many ways.  I love her tremendously.

I remember such a great memory like this.  It’s good to share good things and moments about each other. It let’s us know that we had them! They existed and they exist.  We just keep making new ones. Some with new and some with the older connections. Either way we make them–a boat load of memories that we should cherish. That’s what I am learning.  Life is like a ROSE, we understand that the petals will eventually fall… but it never changes what existed. A beautiful flower. That’s what it is.

As I reflect on good things I have to remind myself to KEEP ON! To keep stable. To keep my peace. Don’t let in anything else contrary to that. Nothing false.  Nothing toxic. Nothing with drama. Don’t let ’em in!

There is a movie that my family loves to see called, “Four Christmases” with Vince Vaughn. He is hilarious in this film.  He stars alongside Reese Witherspoon.  There is a scene where they have to visit all the parents and they speak prior to the visits to make sure that they don’t let them in! Meaning…that they won’t allow the family visits to hinder or effect who they are or their relationship.

After a few visits they began to fuss and argue…  So Brad (Vince Vaughn) tells his girlfriend Kate (Reese Witherspoon) — “We’re Lettin’ them in!” It was a reminder of their own pep-talk and encouragement to each other to stay strong even when those around them may get crazy. It was a funny scene and such a truth to how we can let people or the situations around us affect our mood.

Either they can make us happy or they can make us sad. They can make us frustrated, they can make us angry.  The thing to do is always CHOOSE wisely and know that whenever we do encounter situations that can rive us up we must keep to the stable place within.

Don’t let the noise in. Don’t let the enemy bring you down. Don’t allow people, things, places, situations, relationships, challenges or hardships to get in the way of who you are and what you need to accomplish. It may not always be easy but it certainly is possible. Live well. Live at peace. Keep at it. Stay on the course that sustains you, that keeps you healthy and grounded. That is why I share that memory. It was right where I love, doing what I love and surrounded by women that my heart will always cherish.

With Love,

Christina

Scripture Reference:
Put on the full armor of God to protect yourselves from the devil and his evil schemes. We’re not waging war against enemies of flesh and blood alone. No, this fight is against tyrants, against authorities, against supernatural powers and demon princes that slither in the darkness of this world, and against wicked spiritual armies that lurk about in heavenly places. And this is why you need to be head-to-toe in the full armor of God: so you can resist during these evil days and be fully prepared to hold your ground.
Ephesians 6:11-13 (VOICE Translation)


We Journeyed

We are always so focused on what we didn’t do, what we don’t have; what we did do… things that went wrong or went south! Things we lost or things now gone.

What about the things that went right? The things we have that are good? Not everything is bad or so full of regret.

I could have!

I should have!

I didn’t get to!

All those thoughts running mad!

What about the moments I had YEAH GOOD & BAD! At least I had them! I had moments maybe even others wish they had. I had them. I experienced them. I celebrated them. We journeyed together on the times God brought us together!

We had them! I remember when God connected us again in 2015! It was AWESOME!!! It was not wonderful news that brought us to connect again but we did. Since then we stayed connected. We enjoyed what we had left. I think this is a whole book how and why….TBH! I will keep writing it all down every chance I get.

All I could say now is “THANK YOU GOD” because we captured a whole lot in the remaining 4 years rather than catching nothing! I’d have another stupid argument over nothingness again if it meant that I could have another moment…. but I had plenty of those. I had SOMETHING TO HOLD ON TO! Something to remember. Something to cherish.

So many laughs, good times and great times. We had them. We walked. We talked. We ate together. We painted together. We shopped together. Played games together. We read together and shared passages together. We wrote together. We danced together! We heard amazing music, watched movies, traveled together. We journeyed together and I am so happy about that. And I’m gonna KNOW!

I’M GONNA KNOW!

I’M GONNA KNOW!

I’M GONNA KNOW!

THAT YOU KNEW HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU RIGHT BACK!!!!!

This is where God truly steps in every time. We had SO MANY moments that we shared together the list goes on. Now you are dancing with Him; because He wanted you the MOST and needed you to see that ASAP okay!

So we journeyed my love, now it’s time you journey with Him in everlasting bliss! ♥️ You are gazing at the most beautiful being of all. Everlasting Father and the Prince of Peace.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

A message from Rachel Hollis–we journeyed!


When Things Move

“The mountains may move, and the hills may shake, but my kindness will never depart from you. My promise of peace will never change,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭54:10‬ ‭GW‬‬

My heart hurts

My head hurts

My body hurts

It’s a pain so great

Sadness seeps in and its overwhelming

As each passing moment

These pains grow greater

I know He was preparing me

And even preparing her

He quickened us to connect again

So that we can enjoy the last few days

Memories of laughter

Memories of frustration

Memories unanswered

Memories in His Name

I stood shaking

And then faced this unexpected yet expected truth

Does that make any sense

I’m completely in shock

I was sitting there for hours crying inside

With no tears running down my face

Some would come to the surface

And continue to trickle down

Others were internal and deep

I couldn’t wait to get to the parking lot

And drive off in the deep reality of my pain now sitting in

That’s when the floodgates opened

I cried and I cried and I cried

It was a hit in my gut, my heart my soul

It hits everything

It changes everything AGAIN

She’s gone now

How could this be

I just wanted her to live

I wanted her to laugh

I wanted her to have some fun again

To really try and live again

And she did

Then she didn’t

My heart is so sad

It’s heavy

Like an elephant sitting on my chest pressing in

There is such a heaviness settling in

It’s pressure on my chest

The weight of this

You know what I’m learning in life

You don’t always need a period

When there are so many questions

And exclamations and commas

If any of that is even necessary

Life goes on

Here and then there

So when we get there

We will understand all the things we never understood

And He can put the final dot and exclamations to our sentences and questions

What do we do when things move

What do we do when things never go the way we expected

I thought we were gonna grow old together

Like I can’t even control time

This is my reality now

I can’t email you again

I can’t send a text message or answer one back in return

I can’t share things with you

I can’t talk to you again

I can’t shop with you or watch you eat lemon ricotta pancakes or home fries again

When I go to Starbucks and order our favorite drink, I will remember the last one that I had with you

When the best holidays come around and I think we can have a cup of tea again WE CAN’T

And it makes me so sad because the list of things was huge

All I know is no matter what was going on –when you were around, it lit up my world

Things have changed again

Moved again

The absence, the void

God fill it all

For now more than ever I got to hang on this word and know that it is all in His Hands

“My promise of peace will never change,” says the LORD!

Even in that… I am going to say

I SURE MISS YOU TOO just like I should have said on that very last text

Damn!!!!