Seen, Heard, Answered

I needed a hug.
I needed a sorry.
I needed to be seen.

I didn’t need to be blatantly hurt—week after week, month after month, year after year—simply because I was me.

If I said I was sorry, if I acknowledged my part, if I sought options for change, why wasn’t that enough?

Still, I was avoided.
Still, I was ignored.
Still, I was pushed away.
Still, I was shut out.

Simply, painfully, not a priority.

I shared my thoughts, and yet I received none in return.
I extended the olive branch, and somehow I was still left holding the short end of the stick.

And then, even companions of all sorts left me feeling like Job.

Not understanding.
Not taking the lift.
Not really seeing the depth of what I was walking through.
When it was done for them.

They kept through motions as if nothing life-altering had happened, while I was quietly unraveling beneath the weight of it all.

And perhaps they didn’t know. Perhaps they could only process their own then grasp my wounded posture if I previously presented wholeness.

Perhaps they couldn’t see that while life seemed to keep moving around me, I was only breaking further inside. I am stripped down to none.

I wasn’t asking anyone to fix me.

I wasn’t asking anyone to school me.

I just needed someone to see me.

To hear me.

To sit with me in the mess and help me navigate the chaos instead of basic approach like nothing had happened.

And somewhere in all of that silence, I began to believe the lie that maybe I simply didn’t matter.

But then…

God pulled me into the night.

Not to abandon me there, but to remind me that there is One who has loved me more deeply, more faithfully, and more completely through it all.

Psalm 31 found me there.

And I wept.

I cried the tears I had been holding back, and God saw my anguish. He saw every unanswered prayer, every unanswered question, every moment I wondered if I mattered.

And He gave me something precious:

A ground to stand on.

A place to carry me when I felt like I had nothing left to carry myself.

Even when I knew I might have to walk through this season feeling alone, He reminded me that I would never truly be alone.

He would find strength for me in the darkest of nights.
Peace for me in the greatest distress.
Joy for me when I couldn’t find my smile.
Hope for me when I had lost faith in my future.

And in this uncharted territory…

THERE HE WOULD LEAD ME.

And I would be okay.

Because when I kept feeling myself breaking, He was building me back up.

Stronger.
Wiser.
Deeper.
More grounded.

Perhaps I was never being forgotten.

Perhaps I was being repositioned.

Perhaps the silence around me was making room for me to finally hear the One who had been speaking all along.

Seen.
Heard.
Answered.

Not always in the way I expected.

But always by the One who knows exactly what I need.

“With weeping they shall come, and with pleas for mercy I will lead them back; I will make them walk by brooks of water, in a straight path in which they shall not stumble, for I am a father to Israel, and Ephraim is my firstborn.”

Jeremiah 31:9 (ESV)

So I will keep walking.

Even through the uncharted.

Even through the tears.

Even when I don’t know what comes next.

Even when I am hurt so bad. Destroyed even more.

Because if He is leading me…

I will be okay.