Tag Archives: Rooted

October 11, 2026

Calm Chaos

By Christina


Rooted in Him. Surrendered through it all.

Colossians 2:6–7

“So then, just as you received CHRIST Jesus as Lord, CONTINUE to live your lives in Him, ROOTED and BUILT UP in Him, strengthened in the FAITH as you were TAUGHT, and OVERFLOWING WITH THANKFULNESS.”

Every time I think I can’t go on, I remind myself of what I KNOW.

You see me, God.

You hear me.

You’re with me.

You’re watching over me.

And I KNOW I’m NOT alone.

I’m just hurt.

Wounded.

I’m in pain.

And I KNOW this is TEMPORARY.

But Lord, while I’m IN IT, it is so, so, SO painful.

I keep asking myself, What am I doing wrong?

But maybe I need to start asking a different question.

What am I doing RIGHT?

Because despite the pain…

Despite the agony…

Despite the sleepless nights…

Despite the chaos INSIDE me and the chaos AROUND me…

I’m STILL HERE.

Still reaching for You.

Still calling on Your name.

Still believing that somehow, someway, You are going to carry me through this.

But God, my chest HURTS with the weight of my troubles.

Please take this, Lord.

PLEASE take this away.

I’m so, so sad inside.

And I just want to BREATHE again.

I want to breathe without feeling the heaviness.

I want to wake up without the ache.

I want to experience peace that doesn’t disappear the moment my thoughts begin to spiral.

And through all of this, one thing has become painfully clear to me.

I am NEVER going to leave You again.

Not for a moment.

NOT FOR A MOMENT.

Because even one moment away from You feels too long.

It feels like forever.

Like an eternity of emptiness, despair, and sorrow.

So I’m going to WALK WITH YOU.

Even in my feelings.

Even in my confusion.

Even when I’m torn into what feels like a million pieces.

Even when I don’t understand entirely what You’re doing.

I’m going to walk with You.

Because where else could I possibly go?

Psalm 6

“Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger or discipline me in Your wrath.
Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
HEAL me, Lord, for my bones are in agony;
my soul is in DEEP ANGUISH.

How long, Lord, how long?
Turn, Lord, and DELIVER ME;
save me because of Your UNFAILING LOVE.

Among the dead no one proclaims Your name.
Who praises You from the grave?

I am WORN OUT from my groaning.
All night long I flood my bed with WEEPING and drench my couch with tears.
My eyes GROW WEAK with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil, for the Lord HAS HEARD my weeping.
The Lord HAS HEARD my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.
All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame.”

HOW LONG, LORD? HOW LONG?

I feel every word of that Psalm.

The exhaustion.

The weeping.

The anguish.

The desperate plea for deliverance.

But what strikes me most is that somewhere in the middle of all that suffering, David makes a declaration.

THE LORD HAS HEARD MY WEEPING.

Not maybe He heard.

Not hopefully He heard.

HE HAS HEARD.

And that is what I have to hold on to.

Because even when I don’t hear an answer, I have to trust that my cries have reached heaven.

One thing I know right now is that it’s NOT time for the next destination.

And Lord, You caused what felt like an entire HURRICANE to shift things in every direction just to bring me to where I am today.

I didn’t see it coming.

I didn’t understand how it would happen.

But somehow, You made a way.

And now?

I’m just going to WAIT.

But God, I need You to speak to me.

In detail.

DAY BY DAY.

I need Your guidance because I don’t want to mess this up.

I don’t want to run ahead of You.

I don’t want to mistake my emotions for Your instructions.

I don’t want to make permanent decisions based on temporary pain.

I can ask for a lot of things.

I can say I want THIS.

And I want THAT.

I can tell You exactly how I want everything to turn out.

But the reality is that so many of those things are completely OUTSIDE OF MY HANDS.

And then this thought came to me…

What if I wanted those things more than I wanted YOU?

Oh, Lord.

That wouldn’t be right.

I have to want YOU more.

More than the answers.

More than the outcome.

More than the restoration.

More than the next destination.

More than anything I think will finally make this pain go away.

I GOTTA WANT YOU MORE.

Because this ain’t my fight.

This ain’t my war.

And right now, I have ONE JOB.

ONE JOB THAT I CANNOT AFFORD TO CONFUSE.

And that is to STAY CLOSE TO YOU, MY GOD.

Close.

Close.

CLOSE.

Surrendered.

FULLY SURRENDERED.

Not halfway.

Not with one hand holding on to You and the other desperately trying to control everything around me.

But completely surrendered.

I KNOW You’re going to show me.

I KNOW You’re going to tell me.

I KNOW You’re going to walk with me.

You’re going to do ALL THE THINGS.

I just have to LISTEN.

I have to PAY ATTENTION.

I have to stop trying to figure out every twist and turn before I even take the next step.

Because how can I keep wandering around aimlessly when I serve a GOD OF PURPOSE?

A God who orders steps.

A God who makes ways.

A God who sees what I cannot see.

A God who knows the end from the beginning.

And legit, as I’m sitting here typing these very words, the song “I Surrender” begins to play.

“I surrender, I surrender…”
“I want to know You more.”
“I want to know You more.”

And there it is.

The very thing my heart has been trying to say.

I WANT TO KNOW YOU MORE.

Not just know ABOUT You.

Not just call on You when life becomes unbearable.

But KNOW YOU.

Deeply.

Intimately.

Completely.

So, Lord, if You had to strip away everything I was holding on to just to bring me back to a place of complete dependence on You…

I’m beginning to see that clear as day.

Not because the pain was easy.

Not because I wanted any of this.

And certainly not because I have all the answers.

But because somewhere in the middle of losing my grip on everything else, I found myself holding on to YOU tighter than ever before.

And maybe that’s where I needed to be all along.

ROOTED.

BUILT UP.

STRENGTHENED IN FAITH.

And somehow, even here…

OVERFLOWING WITH THANKFULNESS.

Isaiah 64:4
“Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides You,
who acts on behalf of those who WAIT for Him.

Because in the middle of my GREATEST TURMOIL, I have experienced the GREATEST EMBRACE.

A hurt so fierce, yet somehow met with a healing so tender.

A sorrow so deep, yet a love that reaches even deeper.

A storm so loud, yet a God who can still whisper peace into the middle of it.

And perhaps that is the miracle I almost missed.

That even when everything around me feels uncertain, YOUR PRESENCE IS NOT.

God, You’re with me.

YOU ARE WITH ME.

And I don’t need to know every detail of tomorrow to trust You with today.

I don’t need to fight battles You’ve never asked me to fight.

I don’t need to chase answers that You haven’t revealed.

I don’t need to force doors that You haven’t opened.

I JUST NEED TO STAY CLOSE.

That’s my ONE JOB.

So here I am, Lord.

Still hurting.

Still healing.

Still learning how to surrender.

But HERE.

With You.

And for this moment, that is enough.

CALM THE CHAOS, LORD.

The chaos around me.

The chaos within me.

The thoughts that race.

The fears that linger.

The questions that remain unanswered.

Calm it ALL.

And while I wait for You to calm the storm around me, teach my soul to be STILL in Your presence.

Because I don’t just want You to change my circumstances.

I WANT YOU TO CHANGE ME IN THE MIDST OF THEM.

And until You tell me it’s time to move…

I’ll remain right here.

ROOTED IN YOU.

NOT FOR A MOMENT WILL I LET GO.

Amen.

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November 15, 2018

The Struggle Is Where You Learn

By Christina

Dear Christina,
I met you at the conference in Charlottesville; I started reading your book the same day that you tossed it on my lap as you were speaking at the conference on Elizabeth in the Bible. I read it in two days. I wept, I stood up, I curled up with it in my bed, I lifted my voice to the Lord, I personally understand every word and gut wrenching sentiment of your book.  I have survived the unthinkable as well, even death at my door.  I found myself in every page.  Your words Christina, ring our mercy and strength.  I thank you for your book.  Love and prayers…

It is testimonies like this where I can feel that peaceful affirmation that when I sowed it–it was right! I love sowing my books–sowing the words that God gives me. Because every storm we face tells a story.  It paves the way for others. I am sure many of us would wish that we wouldn’t have to struggle. We want everything easy, quick and given to us with no real effort. That is the ideal.  But it doesn’t really happen that way.  In fact some people struggle even more than the average struggle.

I was speaking with my new beautiful boss and she tells me this….

“The struggle is where you learn!”

I said, “Wow! I am writing that down. That was a deep statement!”

Yet it is true! We all struggle and in those places of our struggle, He leads us through it so that we can grow through it. That is what I know and that is what I have learned on my own as well.  It is nothing that I could have learned had things been so easy for me. They never were!

At six –I had no dad at home.

At seven –we were already conformed to a life of poverty, struggle, government dependence and roaches.

At ten –I was already made fun of by every person in the school so I never could feel comfortable with who I was.

At fourteen –I was already introduced to the “hit & quit” over someone I just randomly met a night before.

At sixteen –I already ran away from home to return with a sexually transmitted disease.

At eighteen –I was already pregnant right after High School graduation.

In my twenties –I was still partying and getting high. I was still depressed and still hurting.

In my thirties –after somewhere meeting Jesus at the tail end of twenties, I would learn that Church was really not the “thing” that would keep my saved!

In my forties –I would learn that after much death, darkness and drama that I needed a serious encounter with the God of the Impossible in my life.  So I was Elizabeth too! I was the 88 year old that basically had no movement of life in me. Always left last and by the wayside and on the bottom end of life.

I kept going moment to moment, day to day, week to week and year to year only to discover that when you do that aimlessly you will always experience even MORE loss.

And all through that–what I do know now…… I got to say it…. WHAT I DO KNOW NOW! Is that God is my God! He is my King and He is my everything. He is my friend. He is the One who sustains me. He is the One that has kept me and He truly is the One that has been my Defender in every way possible –all through the impossible dark days and sleepless nights of my life.

There He would find me and there is where I would learn that only in the struggle would I have the deepest roots that I have ever had in Him. So I must say –just like the woman shared such a powerful testimony.  I now know that the words He has given me perhaps will make some want to stray more from me, but for the majority I know they are going to touch the world! ❤ I am at peace with that. The struggle is where I learned how to tell others about the greatest One of ALL!!!!

Amen

Jesus knew they had questions to ask of Him, so He approached them.
Jesus: Are you trying to figure out what I mean when I say you will see Me in a little while? I tell you the truth, a time is approaching when you will weep and mourn while the world is celebrating. You will grieve, but that grief will give birth to great joy. In the same way that a woman labors in great pain during childbirth only to forget the intensity of the pain when she holds her child, when I return, your labored grief will also change into a joy that cannot be stolen.
John 16:19-22

I have told you these things so that you will be whole and at peace. In this world, you will be plagued with times of trouble, but you need not fear; I have triumphed over this corrupt world order.
John 16:33

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October 25, 2016

All Of Me

By Christina

img_1165I have been doing a lot of reflecting this month with some extra days off that have been so refreshing for me. Much needed, after months of preparation and planning for major end year events at church. All is good though. It has been worth it all.

I remember the prophet Joseph Samuel speaking over my life, “You are going to be so busy for the kingdom of God!” And yet none of those words have fallen to the ground.
All true.
All worthy.
All right with me. Continue reading

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